Self-Awareness and Humility
As we discussed in a previous module, self-awareness is your ability to recognize how your emotions, behaviors, and communication style affect the people around you. Self-aware leadership takes that understanding and applies it. You use what you know about yourself to lead more effectively and build stronger relationships with your team.
This is foundational to humility because you can't work on blind spots you haven't identified yet. Without self-awareness, you're operating on assumptions about how you show up as a leader that may be completely different from how your team actually experiences you. You might believe you're open to input when your team sees you as dismissive, or you might think you're being direct when others experience you as abrupt or unapproachable.
Think about the last time someone gave you feedback that surprised you. Maybe they said you seemed impatient in meetings or that you cut people off when they were speaking. Your first thought was probably, "That's not what I was doing." But if multiple people are experiencing you that way, something in your behavior is creating that impression, even if it's not what you intended.
Self-awareness helps you see that disconnect and do something about it. When you understand your own triggers, blind spots, patterns, and how you respond under pressure, you can receive feedback without getting defensive.
Self-Assessment:
Self-Awareness and Humility
Please take a few moments to contemplate the following self-reflection questions. Where can you identify opportunities for personal growth in your leadership?
Do I take time to reflect on my emotions and actions, or do I move from task to task without considering how I respond to situations?
Can I accurately identify my strengths and areas where I need to grow as a leader?
When I receive constructive feedback, do I notice any emotional reactions like defensiveness, frustration, or shutting down?
Do I recognize patterns in my leadership style that may impact my ability to receive or apply feedback?
How often do I consider how my tone, body language, and communication style influence whether people feel comfortable giving me feedback?
Am I aware of my emotional triggers—the situations or types of feedback that cause strong reactions in me?
Have I ever been surprised by feedback about my leadership or communication? If so, what does that tell me about my blind spots?
How often do I intentionally ask myself, "Am I showing up as a leader who is open to learning and growth?"
Remember, this self-assessment is just a starting point for understanding your knowledge of Self-Awareness and Humility. It's essential to reflect on your responses and actively work on areas where improvement is needed. Additionally, seeking feedback from others and working with your ECFL Leadership Coach can provide valuable insights into your strengths and weaknesses.
Self-awareness may not come naturally in leadership positions. You're busy making decisions and keeping projects moving forward, so pausing to reflect on how you're coming across feels like a luxury you don't have time for. Without those moments of reflection, though, you risk getting stuck in the same patterns without realizing it.
Self-aware leaders operate differently. They take time to reflect on their actions and notice when they're getting defensive or when their tone shifts under pressure. They can distinguish between feedback about their behavior and attacks on their character, which makes it easier to actually use what they're hearing to improve.
“You cannot change what you refuse to confront.”
Self-Awareness Prepares You for Growth
Without self-awareness, you may not realize when you're getting in your own way. When someone points out something about your leadership style, what's your first reaction? Do you feel the need to explain yourself rather than consider their perspective? Do you get frustrated and mentally check out of the conversation?
These reactions are common, but they hold you back. Self-awareness helps you recognize them and shift your response. Instead of resisting, you can pause and ask what you can learn from this, whether there's truth in it that you might not want to see, and how you can use this insight to improve.
Self-Awareness Strengthens Relationships
Leaders who develop self-awareness recognize how their emotions influence interactions. They take responsibility for their actions and adjust their communication style based on the situation. When you understand how your actions affect others, you create an environment where people feel comfortable speaking up and contributing their best work.
Leaders who develop self-awareness:
Recognize how their emotions influence interactions
Take responsibility for their actions
Adjust their communication style based on the situation
Self-Awareness Encourages Adaptability
Being humble requires staying open to new challenges and perspectives. Self-aware leaders recognize when they need to adjust their approach rather than forcing their way through. They accept when something isn't working and look for solutions instead of assigning blame.
For example, imagine you're leading a research project and a team member says, "I feel like you make decisions without hearing us out." A self-aware leader would pause, reflect, and consider how to adjust. Small shifts, like asking for input before finalizing a decision, can make a significant impact.
Rachel is a senior project manager leading a cross-functional team on a critical product launch. During a team review meeting, her colleague Jordan points out a mistake in front of everyone.
Jordan says, "I noticed that the vendor order last week was short, and we had to make adjustments on-site. I think this could have been avoided if we had double-checked the specifications earlier in the process."
Rachel remembers the situation well. She signed off on the order while juggling multiple deadlines and missed a minor discrepancy. Now she's being called out in front of her team, and she feels her defenses go up immediately.
Without thinking, Rachel responds, "I was dealing with multiple priorities that day, and honestly, I don't think it was entirely on me. Other people review those orders too."
The room goes quiet. Jordan nods but doesn't say anything else. The meeting moves on, but Rachel notices that people seem hesitant to bring up other issues for the rest of the discussion.
Later that afternoon, Rachel is replaying the meeting in her mind. She felt justified in her response at the time, but something about the room's reaction keeps nagging at her. She thinks about Jordan's comment and realizes he wasn't attacking her. He was pointing out a process issue that affected the team.
Rachel starts to notice a pattern she hadn't seen before. When someone points out a mistake or suggests she could have done something differently, her immediate reaction is to explain why it wasn't her fault or why the circumstances made it impossible to do better. She's been doing this for months, maybe longer, without realizing it.
She thinks back to other moments: a team member who stopped offering suggestions after Rachel explained why his ideas wouldn't work, a peer who seemed to pull back after Rachel justified a missed deadline, a direct report who now only brings her solutions instead of problems.
Rachel realizes that her defensive reactions have been shutting people down. She thought she was protecting her credibility, but what she was actually doing was signaling that it wasn't safe to point out issues or challenge her thinking. Her team had learned to stay quiet rather than risk her defensiveness.
The next day, Rachel pulls Jordan aside. "I've been thinking about what you said in yesterday's meeting. You were right. I signed off on that order, and I should have caught the discrepancy. I got defensive instead of just owning it, and I'm sorry. Let's figure out a process to prevent this from happening again."
Jordan seems surprised but relieved. "I appreciate that. I wasn't trying to call you out. I just thought we could improve the system."
"I know," Rachel says. "And I need to get better at hearing that without making excuses."
Over the next few weeks, Rachel pays close attention to how she responds when someone points out a problem or offers feedback. She notices the urge to explain or defend herself, and instead of giving in to it, she pauses. She asks clarifying questions. She thanks people for speaking up. Slowly, her team starts bringing up issues earlier and offering more ideas. The conversations feel more open, and Rachel realizes that self-awareness isn't just about recognizing her behavior. It's about understanding how that behavior affects the people around her and being willing to change it.
“The more reflective you are, the more effective you are.”
The lesson: Self-awareness requires recognizing patterns in your behavior that you've been blind to, especially the defensive reactions that shut down honest communication. Leaders who develop this awareness can adjust their responses and create environments where people feel safe speaking up.
Many leaders assume they’re self-aware, but being aware of self-awareness isn’t enough. You must commit to regular, honest self-reflection and a willingness to recognize patterns in your behavior that might be limiting your growth. Here are some best practices to help you strengthen that self-awareness and become a more humble leader.
Notice When You Get Defensive: Self-awareness often begins with catching yourself in the moment when your defenses go up, which signals that something touched a nerve worth examining. When someone offers feedback or points out a problem, pay attention to your physical and emotional response. Do you feel your jaw tighten? Does your mind immediately start forming justifications? That reaction tells you something important about where you might have a blind spot or where ego is getting in the way of growth. Recognizing defensiveness as it happens gives you the chance to choose a different response instead of letting it control the conversation.
Track Patterns in How People Respond to You: You can learn a lot about your leadership by observing how people react when they interact with you, which often reveals things you can't see about yourself. Notice whether people hesitate before speaking up in meetings. Pay attention to whether team members bring you problems early or wait until they become crises. Observe if certain people seem to shut down after you've responded to their ideas. These patterns tell you how safe people feel being honest with you. If you notice people consistently holding back or becoming more guarded, that's information about your behavior that deserves attention.
Examine the Gap Between Your Intent and Your Impact: Self-aware leaders understand that what they intend to communicate and what people actually experience can be very different, and closing that gap requires honest examination. After important conversations or decisions, ask yourself whether your behavior matched your intention. If you intended to be supportive but someone seemed discouraged afterward, what might have come across differently than you meant? If you wanted to encourage collaboration but people stayed quiet, what signals might you have sent that shut down participation? The gap between intent and impact is where self-awareness matters most because that's where misunderstandings and damaged relationships happen without you realizing it.
Respond to Feedback With Gratitude Instead of Defense: Humility shows up most clearly in how you receive feedback, especially when it's hard to hear. Your immediate reaction sets the tone for whether people will continue being honest with you. When someone offers feedback, acknowledge what they're saying before you do anything else. Ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand their perspective fully. Thank them for being willing to speak up, recognizing that giving honest feedback to a leader takes courage. Responding this way strengthens trust over time because people learn that you actually mean it when you say you want their input.
Reflect on Moments That Didn't Go Well: The moments that bother you after the fact are often the ones with the most to teach you about your self-awareness gaps. When a conversation or interaction leaves you feeling unsettled, don't brush it off. Sit with it and ask yourself why it's sticking with you. What happened that didn't align with how you want to show up as a leader? What would you do differently if you could have that moment again? These uncomfortable reflections are where real growth happens. The willingness to examine what went wrong instead of justifying it is what separates self-aware leaders from those who stay stuck in the same patterns.
Self-awareness requires you to look honestly at how your behavior affects the people around you, even when what you see isn't flattering. That honest look is what makes servant leadership possible. You can't serve others well if you don't understand how they experience you or recognize the ways your blind spots create barriers you never intended.
Pick one area from this lesson where you know you need to improve. Work on it this week and pay attention to how your team responds when you adjust. The changes might feel small to you, but they often matter more to the people you're leading than you realize.
Reflection Questions:
Think about a recent interaction where someone seemed hesitant or held back. What might your body language, tone, or level of engagement have communicated to them in that moment?
If being a servant leader requires understanding what they actually need from you, what assumptions about your leadership might be preventing you from seeing those needs clearly?
Think about a time when you learned something about how people perceived you that you hadn't realized before. How did you respond in that moment, and what does that response tell you about your level of self-awareness now?
Elevate your understanding of Self-Awareness and Humility by taking flight with the following resources. Use this opportunity to navigate, uncover, and expand the horizons of your leadership influence.
The Importance of Humility in Leadership—and How to Embrace It
Balance Ego And Humility To Be A Better Leader
Lead with Humility (2:28)
Humility is Key Attribute for Best Leaders According to Current Research | MU Extension
